How To Make Rich People Aware of Climate Change
first climate change came to raise the sea level, and i did not speak out because my yacht needs more room to sail
then climate change came to reduce global staple crop yields, and i did not speak out because everyone should have a rooftop greenhouse to grow organic kale and rainbow chard anyway to be honest
then climate change came to cause heat waves, and i did not speak out because my vacation home in the hamptons has a bitchin’ central air system
and then climate change came for the oysters, and i spoke the fuck out because nature WILL NOT TAKE MY HAPPY HOUR SNACK, it will not
Top five nonsensical relationships you have to remember to be able to find the right emoji, ever
First, let’s identify the five category tabs, left to right: “people,” “nature,” a bell tab that can only be described as “random stuff that doesn’t fit anywhere else,” “transport and city living,” and “symbols.” These five areas don’t remotely adequately cover the human experience, but, moving on.
- Hearts are not under “symbols,” but under “people.”
- Fruits and vegetables are not under “nature,” with all the other plants, but under “random stuff.”
- Bikers, horseback rider, skier, and snowboarder are not under “people,” not under “transportation,” but under “random stuff.”
- Water droplets, stars, fire, gusts of wind, and explosions are not under “nature,” where the moons, earths, clouds, sun, and, er, another star all are. They are under “people.”
- Articles of clothing are not under “random stuff,” but under “people.”
AND A BONUS NONSENSICAL RELATIONSHIP: Monkey and cat faces are not under “nature,” with all the other animals, but under “people.”
I was recently reminded how much I still enjoy this endlessly zooming video from 1968, “Powers of Ten”:
You’ve got to watch the video for the narration and the kickin’ soundtrack. For a modern, interactive take, check out “The Scale of the Universe" by Cary Huang. Get some perspective!
One of the few demonstrations I actually remember from college.
“Wanna know what the best way to avoid being ignored at a party is? Stop wondering why no one’s showing interest in you and ask someone else how they’re doing. Stop sitting in the corner brooding because no one gets it and go out of your way to make someone else feel welcomed and accepted and warm. And guess what? Especially with ladies, when you show you are kind and compassionate and willing to listen, it goes such a long way. When you can have a conversation that isn’t about your own internal monologue wondering over and over again, “Does she want to sleep with me?”… When you get to a place of confidence and respect as a man where a woman walks into a room and your first thought isn’t “Would I fuck her?”… When you get to a place where you’ve removed your own insecurities and panic and fears so that you can actually speak with and listen to a woman, that’s when it works. That’s when they’ll like you. That’s when they’ll realize that the idiots don’t stand a chance against us guys who know how to be kind, us guys that know how to make eye contact, us guys that know how to speak with a human being because it’s fascinating and fun to speak to another human being, and not just because they might get you off at the end of the night.”
"I was recently doing some stand up at a club. After one of my sets, I walked into the bar where a friend of mine who is a comic and also happens to be a tall and pretty lady was standing with a few other people. They were having an animated discussion.
The guy at the bar – whom I had never met before – looked at me and saw my glasses, my ill fitting clothes, my bad posture, and I guess he saw in me a kindred spirit.
“Here,” he said, “this guy will get it. Dude, don’t you think hot girls have it easiest in the world?”
I answered without thinking. My words vomited up out of me.
“No, not at all,” I said. “Being a hot girl seems awful.”
“No, I’m not kidding,” I said. “Why does it suck to look like you and me? Because hot girls won’t talk to us when we’re dumb teenagers… I’d rather have that then spend my whole life with guys yelling shit at me when I walk down the street. I’d rather be lonely for a few years early on then spend every day getting creeped out by gross dudes staring at my chest when I’m just trying to go to the supermarket to buy some fucking vegetables.”
“Yeah,” he said, “but they get whatever they want all the time.”
“Do they?” I asked. “I’m sure they get into clubs I can’t get into, or get drinks served to them without waiting as long as I have to. But they also get judged for wearing the clothes they wear. Or get pressured for not putting out. Or have to worry constantly, at least a little in the back of their mind, about getting raped.”
The guy just stared at me.
“I don’t know dude,” I said. “Hot girls don’t have it easy.”
My friend who is tall and pretty looked at me and smirked and said, “Good answer.” And we walked away together.
Hot girls don’t have it easy. They don’t have it easy for all those reasons I told that guy, and so many more. But most of all, they don’t have it easy because dummies like that guy look at them and see them as “hot girls” instead of seeing them as “three dimensional human beings.”
—Overcome Your Programming and Be A Better Man. I wanna cry, this is so good.
"Perhaps men arguing on the Internet (though not all men!) follow a developmental path that echoes an individual man growing a social conscience, which in a very simplified form goes something like this:
- Sexism is a fake idea invented by feminists
- Sexism happens, but the effect of “reverse sexism” on men is as bad or worse
- Sexism happens, but the important part is that I personally am not sexist
- Sexism happens, and I benefit from that whether or not I personally am sexist
- Sexism happens, I benefit from it, I am unavoidably sexist sometimes because I was socialized that way, and if I want to be anti-sexist I have to be actively working against that socialization.”
harryhonour said: Feminism is silly why don't we just be the same, women are trying to make themselves more important than men.
EB White declines an invitation. I am absolutely going to steal this. (via)
To the inevitable question of “can you snort it?” Palcohol answers “don’t do it! It is not a responsible or smart way to use the product,” as if that has ever stopped anyone who snorts things from snorting anything.Powdered alcohol builds on ’60s science, portability, and reckless youth